Cause My Jealous Heart Can't Take This

Hey guys!

Christmas will be spent in Brisbane. :) We've been going to Ikea a lot. :P the meatballs are delicious. right.

CONGRATULATIONS TO DEREK!!! <333333

SO SO PROUD OF YOU. :D

I've been watching a lot of series(serieses?!) ahahha and it's so hot. (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID)

hehehehehehee. aiyooooo jemeh my darling is in the shower and i'm waiting for her.

I'm sorry i haven't uploaded any photos or anything but i never know what i'm going to blog about and i don't spend a lot of time on these posts. Just a quick mind puke to put my mind at ease. :)

I WATCHED AVATAR. not the airbender. But the other one with blue people. It was so nice. The storyline was the usual love story but it was so nice and imaginative. For 3 hours, i felt like i wasn't on earth. It was beautiful. :) GO WATCH IT! :D

Anyways, it's late and i should get to bed. :) Mm, okay. One game. :)

Sink

Steff

Maybe I'll Just Sing About It

AHHHHHHH DEREKYONGQUOTUNG

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I wish i could celebrate with you at least once in the duration of our insanely awesome kickass friendship but alas, it was not in the stars. :(

But whatever because all i need to know is that you're somewhere safe and having a good time. :) which i do cause i just confirmed that with you. :P

Aannnnyyywaayyyssss, love you and happy birthday, kid. ;) Finally seventeen.

Ninja. <3

Sing Me A Song

Hello, darlings.

Brisbane is so hot this time of year. Summer time. Speaking of Summer, I watch 500 days of summer the other day. i love that movie. <3

My sisters and Shannon went to the airport to send Tomford off, who's going back to KK. Just got word that his flight was delayed. guhhhhh i want to... Actually i don't know what i want or what i want to do. I just know i miss my friends and my bed. :P man i miss my bed.

Currently laid like a pancake out on the couch, listening to pixie and staring at the giant spongebob and gang poster. xD Yeah next year's gonna be a blast. Internet in Brisbane is insane!!! Movies i've been downloading for months, finished in half an hour. Unbelievable!

I miss you guys so much. I've been going online really late to chat with danile and jamie. <3

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AARON HENG!

How was that? Let's play an esoteric game. ;) luck.
Kal-El

Steffi

Send Me Emails Cause I'll Miss You!

;)

How Could You Be So Cold?

Hola blog readers!

It's the end of the year! Spm is over. I can hardly believe it myself. Secondary school is officially over as i won't be staying for Senior Three. But i'm highly anticipating Sports Meet 2010! Go yellow house!

Anyways, i'll be going off to Brisbane tomorrow morning(later) since one of my sisters is graduating. We'll be spending Christmas in Melbourne with family which is new. I'll be back on the 29th december, so mark your calendars!

Will miss you all! Fay, emily, jemeh, karan, danile, hydraulix gang. I already miss Derek! Aiyoooooo i have a long day ahead of me!! Charge my ipod, pick a good book and i'll be seeing my family in a few hours.

Aiyaiyaiyai! I STILL HAVE SOME PACKING TO DO! :/ yes, big fail. Love you all! Good luck on your jpj exam, claudia! Congratulations on getting your licence, lexis. Too bad we didn't get to hang out before today. And omgah. Did you hear? Brigitte is back in town!! ;) go welcome her home!!!!!

Steff. C:

Don't Talk About Things You Don't Understand

Yeah. I'm talking to you. With your contrived eagle eye view on everyone's lives you think you understand perspiciously. Cause sometimes, it's good to keep your mouth shut.

It's Wearing Me Down

:DDDDDD
Spm is almost over.
Got my diving licence.
VJ shoot tomorrow.
Last subject next week.
D:
Karan's not here.
Haven't seen any movies. Not even 2012.
Banyak orang leaving.
Don't have Dexter.

Weeeehoooo. I need to empty my cameras into the computer because i'm out of space but skrg i malas so i'm not gonna do it. Have lots of pictures of the yellow house orientation and and and. That's all i can think of off the top of my head. :/

The photo di atas saaaannnaaaa tu was sent to me by Hanafiah. He's one half of the couple who went diving with me during the period of my course. They were my friends for 2 whole days under the sea. *cue teh musek plz* A very awesome couple from kl who work for Petronas. Wheeeee. They had those expensive waterproof camera cases. It was funnn!!! Will update you guys on a bit later ey?

Steff

Secrets That You Just Can't Keep

One-sentenced blogging still lives, aaron.

Burn Brighter

Meowr

Follow my blog with bloglovin

spm spm spm spm spm.

Not as bad as you'd think it'd be.

Good news.

I'll never have to get a quick cram session from Charlene about the silly malay stories/poems and what their antagonists do.

Same goes for Sejarah. I actually don't mind history. but having us study it in bm blows. Somehow we managed to have Chinese History and Sejarah but no history in english? puh. Glad that's over.

We had EST today. It was ehhh okay. Essay topic was on friction. Physics topics. Thank God i still remember my form 4 Phys. :D

i know what you're thinking.

Pro. ;D

hahahahah est is fun. Being sick unfortunately, is not.

I haven't been in the mood these days. I haven't been in any mood, actually.

My brain's on hold most of the time. At least that's how it feels.

Well, it's better than thinking uncontrollably. Less tiring.

Karan's going to Brisbane on Sunday. :'( She's going to see Green Day in concert. :''(

darn spm. Also, she's coming back a day before i fly off.

Which means the chances of me seeing her this year is not likely at all.

I wanna play blue mask. And see your liquid leggings. :'((( ndak jadi.

Try we get lunch w/ yemeh before you go off? Maybe tomorrow?

no more 10 second crazy rawrganasss shots. :P

Well, you better post the Mcflurry song when you're in Bris. At least the internet is chepatsss. :D

REMINDER. SHIRT. FROM. CONCERT. if can la. :)

Yellow house news:

We have to meet with the newbies of ttss on thursday during their orientation. Wear Yellow.

Our mascot's Homer. I'm sure a last name is not necessary. Wheee.

I watched Surrogates today at home. It was eehhhokay. I mean, imaginative but surprisingly, i didn't find anything special about it. Not hungry oh today. Don't know why. Unproductive too.

I think i'm going to head out. Find something to do.

Whuat? you want photos? Teda oh sorry. :x

i'll try. k.

Steff.

Spend Every Moment I Had With You

I know you're not fairy. That's not you anymore. I miss our directionless conversations, late night phone calls, if-a-horde-of-zombies-came-right-now situations, cs-campzones-in-your-house discussions, seeing you at metro, text messages containing simpsons, rawr, hwyd, GGKKTYBB, pinching my face, dancing around in K house foyer, what's your 20?, report to base camp, one-worded text messages, being the bearer of bad news about 'fictional' characters(pffftt the tooth fairy SO exists!), sitting around discussing cushions, talking about child labour, fighting for food to survive with an ogre, making exits before we're supposed to, buying cheap useless crap we know we're never gonna use again ever, dissing each other's music, bone crushing hugs and random mms-es. I know you're under housearrest so make the most of it. Kick some spm ass like i know you can. I'll see you when you get out, bub.

Big hello to big photoshoot before big bye to me? :3

You know i love you to twenty kabajillion to the power infinity x infinity squared bits, right? <3

They Won't Even Miss You At All

Hey guys. I haven't updated in a longggg time. Apologies. Much has been going on and i haven't found the time or energy to blog about anything.

Basically, here's what you've missed if you do not follow me on twitter.
Our dance team got first in Tshung Tsin Star. I got my driving licence. We are currently maidless. Spm is starting on Wednesday. School is officially over, not counting the days we need to go back to school for spm. Been eating too much. Running in the rain somehow didn't get me sick but durians did. I haven't started studying. We've run out of Bundaberg. We just got Bundaberg. I need to start packing for Brisbane.

study tmr. Must.
Steff

All At Once

I need to know that this feeling will pass. That maybe one day i'll wake up and not think of you. Not even a little. I'll be able to get through a conversation without thinking he always said that. I'll have my insomnia without having to wonder whether or not you're awake. I'll hear my message tone and my mind and heart doesn't jump hoping it's from you. I won't remember things you've said when i'm where we were. I won't think of you when i'm reading poems or doing english literature. I won't remember all the corny things you've said just because you had to say it. It's taken a long time but it's finally fading. A big part of me is so relieved. But there will always be that little part of me that will want to remember. I'm getting there. It's so close now. But i'm starting to doubt whether or not it's what i really want.

Twice

Please type 'bleepz' into the box.

kthxbai

Show encrypted text

luv.

I Don't Know What To Do

It's hard to be perfectly honest when you yourself find that sometimes the things you think are just plain mean. I really need to control my thoughts better. I'm losing control and i find myself arguing with myself whether or not i'm being a total bitch or what i'm thinking is reasonable.

I hate it when my brain kicks into overdrive and i'm thinking about all the things i think you're thinking about when i can't sleep. It does not help at all. I'm losing my mind!!!

Another thing i feel like ranting about, the awkwardness. Don't you absolutely abhor the awkwardness that exists after something happens between friends of a group. And suddenly, the group is forced to pick between the two. Conversation pieces that used to thrill in turn, become taboo. And you find yourself constantly stopped mid sentence by your own brain screaming that you can't go there.

ARGHHHHHHH.

Why is it so hard to be friends again? Yeah, i get it. Believe me. I do. Something between you. BUT DON'T YOU SEE IT'S KILLING THE GROUP? :( I hate events that we used to go to together but now someone needs to find another group to go with cause it'd be too weird sitting at the same table. It sucks. So much.

And frankly, i'm sick of it. Yes, i know i should be prepping myself for SPM and putting my insomnia to good use. I doubt that's gonna happen. I've been listening to this song for about 2 hours now. Maybe it's too soon. I'm rushing things? Oh gosh. Am i? Maybe i'm not ready.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh self doubt is not what i need right now at this particular moment in time.

Note to self: Pay Karan and pass tickets.

I have bad memory. I mean, really bad memory. I have trouble remembering what i did earlier in the day. Mom says i'm just lazy but i resent that cause there are some pretty important stuff i know i need to remember and it's imperative that i do. So the next possibility would be... stupidity? It's definitely a more likely reason. :P

Hence, i am always writing reminders anywhere. Explains my often tainted arm or hand or table or wall. Scribbling in my planner. Writing things down just so i'll remember the next day. hahaha i think my brain is deteriorating really quickly for a 17 year old.

Everything's so much more complicated when you're right there in front of me. :(((((( i'm feeling whiny. ahahahha i'm sorry. When that happens, it's hard for me to write well.

Oh right. CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER!

Derek, you got into Trinity. That is really awesome. :D Proud of you!

For all of you guys who aren't done with exams yet, SHOULDER TO THE WHEEL! :D

And for all of you who ARE done with your exams, BURN YOUR BOOKS. :DDDDDDD

aih susahla for me to not be emo.

steff.

To The Stars

:D Audio update! :D

Steff.

It Does Not Get Me Going At All

Hey guys! I'm a bit miffed cause it turns out the next QTI i can take will be in the first week of November cause my instructor will be away for the next 2 weeks or something. :/

I was so looking forward to getting it this month since my renegade is finally ready and out of the workshop. :D there's going to be an off-road experience going on in borneo and me and dad are probably going to join in for the first stretch of the journey. Just for fun. We'll be going through the jungle. :D in my renegade. Wooo. It's going to be happening sometime around the 25th.

A day after installation night. I'm not quite sure if i'm going just yet. Still thinking about it. Hopefully i'll get to go. :)

Halloween's this month but this year, there's going to be an interchurch prayer meeting at Kyrugma house. All are welcome and together we're gonna pray until the roof lifts off a little. :D so come join us. It's gonna be awesome.

Supposed to have an english literature exam tmr but i haven't been feeling well today. So i'll have to see how i feel tomorrow and hope that all goes well.

:D
lub steff

Don't Come Any Closer

Ahhhhhh i love this group of idiots. :D HAHHAA Check out this video please. Please? :3

LINK HERE. :DDDDD GOOOOOO

ahhaahah this really made my day. It was so awesome that i felt the need to blog today. So thank you for being the catalyst of this end product, guys! Love love love you guys to bits. Sucks that you're leaving on Sunday, Danileeee. No time for another l4d session or another video, maybe? Uggghhhh but it was so good to have you back. Even if it wasn't that long. Fine.. it was too long. hehehe LOVE YOUUU. HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT TO SING TO THE POOR. :/

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRHHH. WHUT UP. OH it feels good. But so unproductive. :( hahaha i know. i know. First, i complain about my exams being torture etc etc. Then i complain after my exams are done about me not being productive and bored. I suck.

And also, i'd like to apologize to someone i've hurt recently. I had no idea you had a problem with that and i feel like such a douche. UGH i'm sorry!! :( i love you. good luck with your exams. :(

Frustration. We all go through it. It's just how we deal with this frustration. I have issues when it comes to dealing with things. Is today get mad at steffi day? Or is today my piss everyone off day? Cause i feel like, well it isn't brilliant but, suck today.

Thank you guys for that video. I know it isn't targeted for me but it was awesome. :)

After i'm done with my exams, my friends are just starting. Or they're prepping for spm. Or going back to sing to the poor. Or they just don't want to see me. But then i don't think i can consider them friends, can i? heh heh. :|

yeah. I've been watching a lot of old movies at home. And i hate how Ryan Reynolds is married to Scarlett Johansson. :( i want to bercyber with danile, justin and david. Or pool with derek. :( i miss them.

HAHAHAH i just got a message from Justin. AHHAHA WELL, POTONG STEAM LA. I know right. booooooo. ahhahahha ahhaahahah i'm talking to twong and yemeh. <3>

ahhhh jamie's gone to the bathroom. SHE'S BACK! :D

Do You Hear Me?

Question: Joel: Why do you blog? (via blog post)

Aim: To investigate why i blog.

Materials: 10 Fingers, thoughts, Backspace key.

Apparatus: Laptop.

Procedure:

1. Fingers are used to apply pressure to the keys of keyboard and type out this stupid Chemistry experiment based post.

2. Thoughts about how you came to blog are recorded and chemistry books on the table are ignored.

3. Go through archives and draw up a basic general classification of blog post.

4. Observations are recorded.

Observations:

Previously i did a whole excel about blog posts and what they were about and how many of them were written in the year 2009 but the table failed to copy and i malas. Sorryyy.

The results can easily be seen if you're a frequent reader anyway.

Discussion:

1. My friends and how i miss them and what they make me feel and things we do. I like to document things(feelings, things i do etc.) because i have terrible memory. This same reason is why i keep a detailed planner of things i do and distinct things that happened that day. I probably wouldn't know who i was if i lost my diary and my blog was magically deleted or something.

2. Photos. Photos have been lacking because of the rate of upload. It's freaking slow. :( and i get very frustrated but i put photos cause i want people to see what i see sometimes.

3. Vent. I vent a lot. I can be a very angry person and I need an outlet that won't hurt people's feelings. Well, i try not hurt people's feelings through my blog. But i don't know if it works. It's just a way to deal with issues.

4. Crap. I talk crap a lot. When i'm typer or when i'm feeling happy. It's just who i am.

Conclusion:

I blog because i feel the need to be heard and seen. Call it attention seeking or whatever you like. But i think i just need to feel like i exist and that the things i feel and do and hear are real. I need my friends to remember me. Not the me that you think i am after 10 minutes talking to me but who i am what i stand for andddd the rest. I'd like to think that after 30 years. I'll be able to tell my hypothetical children what i used to do when i was their age without any errors. I'll be able to remember my friends. The ones who made my life my life.

I am very emo person oh? :D hahahahhahhah bah. Not a very well done experiment though.

Time We Spent Together Was Never Quite Enough

I'm in trouble. Spm forecast exam is starting on wednesday and to be perfectly honest, i'm not prepared at all. I've been trying. But nothing's going in. Kinda pisses me off. This is a really important exam. After this, i'm practically on holidays. Honest.

I drank the root beer you gave me for my birthday, karen! :P finally.

I miss dreaming. I dreamt this morning, in that one hour. I'm not one for telling people about dreams of mine. But it was a really nice dream. I was sitting with my best friend on his roof. And we were just talking. He was telling me how i'm worrying too much about so many things then we walked to the park and sat on our see saw. The park isn't wasn't what it is now but what it used to be like when he was still around. We threw around that stupid tennis ball he used to carry everywhere. And i felt so safe and at home after wandering around trying to find my way for so long. Thanks for resuscitating me again.

Thanks for talking some sense into me. I really miss you. I don't think i'll stop missing you. Keep watching over me if it's not too much trouble. :') you made my week.

steffi. <3

A Thousand Faces We'll Choose To Ignore.

It's hard to think straight when there's so much going on. I can't put these unfamiliar feeling into words. Like. Gah. Thank God i'm not taking my IELTS tomorrow. I haven't been able to write or say anything properly this week. All i've been doing is feel. And i can't stop. And it's driving me crazy. Okay umm. Try to think back to something that hit you the strongest. Got it? Now, multiply that by 62^infinity squared.

ARGH. I. CAN'T. EXPLAIN. HOW. I. FEEL.

and it's pissing me off immensely.

Instead, i'm just going to random picture drop!

i miss Charlene. :)

KARAN!

WHY WON'T THIS GLASS BREAK?

MMMMMMDEWEK

:D

I miss Darren also but he couldn't meet us that day.

:(

Fine. not so random. I just miss you guyssss. :(

I had a power outage last night. :/ Couldn't finish my update.

Gah. I feel good today. :D

Eklektos tonighhttt! <3

NGIAOOOOOOOLOOVVVVEEEEMMEEEE!!!

dsteffi.

Dear Karen

aka Karan. I looovvveeee youuuuuu sooo much!!!! :D

Thanks for the invite to your party. Despite being one of the only two tshung tsin people at your party, i had fun. :) It was a little awkward at first but it got better when we finally sat down. hahhaha I knowww you had a lot of fun! :D You looked gorgeous! AHHAHA you know where my favourite part was. xP

Ohhh i'm so sorry i didn't give you a speech like David and Joshua did. But you know how i get in front of a crowd. heh. I'm sorry. You wouldn't have wanted me to puke over the dance floor. ahhaha i nearly did before me and alex went on stage. Dry heaving ftw!

I didn't take many pictures cause i was distracted to say the least. I'm happy Nadym and Chloe were there to call me superloser. hahahahhah I'm really sorry about Wendy who lost her phone. It really sucks but stay strong, girl. :) You're lucky to have a calm man by your side. ;)

Ohhh karen. i'm so sorry i didn't dance. :D Didn't really feel up to it. hahaa i'll dance with you next time when i get my license. ;) you know what i mean, giiiiirrrrllll. hahahhaha

Once again, love youuu dearly. And i know you won't be feeling alone next year cause from what i've witnessed last night, you have lots of friends who won't let that happen. :) I'll see you the year after the next. :D

<3

I Swore I Saw You Smile

I've been so quiet these days. It's like i have nothing to say anymore. Surprised? Believe me, you're not the only one. :X Blogging's become harder but i keep getting updates from friends. Peer pressurized into updating without anything solid to update on. Which usually brings about a boring post. So i don't know why i'm even submitting this post.

Nyah. Since i've started, i might as well finish.

mm. In form form maybe? :I Bear with meee pweassee. :3

I am pretty sure i should be sleeping.
I have been hanging out with Alex all day.
I am happy that we have one day short of a week of holidays.
I want nothing more than to have you.
I will need to wake up at 6 to bring my brother to school for the entrance exam. *fingers crossed*
I think i need to figure out what i'm going to wear tomorrow. :O

Theme of my week: People need to stop saying goodbye then coming back again. :/

Yeah. I suppose that's it? MmmmMMmmmmMmmmmm....

OH OH I KNOW! ahhahaha I hate it when you make a video, take all day/night editing it. And then Youtube's a bitch. :/ Gahh Then your contents expire and you need to make another video not forgetting that the things you might mention have cross references to old videos that you've made and have not successfully upload. Gosh it pisses me off. hahahaha

Do you ever want something so bad that it makes you want to scream everytime you think about it cause you know you're never going to get it? GAAHHHHALJKESHDFOAISHEOFBALKSEJN;ALKSJHNLFKJASNLEKFDJHALSJKEHRLFKAJHESLDKFJBA,JEBFL,KAJSBEFKAGGGGGGG

Hi people. I have cooled down. I'm not tired. I have not worn it for a day and already i miss it. Although it's just in my drawer. I need to start going through withdrawal. :( So far so good?

Ngiaoooo i'm excited! :D for tomorrow night though. So excited and nervous in a you kinda want to puke but you only find yourself dry heaving into the toilet bowl kinda way. :D GAH it's the good kind. I hope. NYAH.

HAIIII PAPER TOWELS! HOW ARE YOU GUYS? :D i actually kinda miss you guys and this place is gilllaaaaaaaa senyap mannn. gahhh.

I'm feeling whiny and i'm sure you feel it too. Sorry.

bahhhh i need to be productive.

I came this close to writing a song today. THIS CLOSE. but then i malas. :/ so it just flew away.

& yes i realise that there is no way you can tell how close but shut up cause papayas are orange and so are oranges but which one is orangier? Huh? HUH, PUNK?! Betcha never thought about that one. Yeahhh you sit down and think about that, kid.

hi, hidden message readers! :D

Night. Lub steffi.

All The World Can Watch

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts again. Avert your eyes, people.

Sometimes before i post a very personal train of thought onto my blog, i hesitate. These trains of thought may range between a honest-to-goodness random thought or something i think of when i'm jiwang or emo or whatever. Or how i feel. Basically my rants and vents.

The reason i do this is because everytime i do and i mean everytime, I'll get someone come up to me when i'm sitting in class (this doesn't happen very often seeing as i'm a little different in school/class. Maybe outside too. But that's beside the point) and they attempt to psychoanalyse me.

Okay, a little background.

Majority of you who are here, i probably know you through church or you study in other schools or both. DUH. Anyways, i'm a little quieter in school. Awkward. I don't have a lot of friends. And that's just me. Who i chose to be.

Anyways, they'll throw all these questions around and try to tell me what i really am feeling. For example, when i'm feeling confused, they'll tell me it's just because i'm feeling antsy etc. Maybe you're just trying to get to know me better or that's just how you show me that you care. Or that you're concerned about me. Or maybe you just wanna "relate" to me. I don't know. Nor do i honestly care.

I know how i feel. I'm the only one who knows what i'm feeling when i'm feeling it. And i'd really appreciate it if you'd stop pitying me, thinking oh, poor girl. Got into a fight with her best friend again. or getting so emotionally upset over nothing again. Just. Stop acting like you know me so well or that i'm so predictable. I don't need that. I don't need anything from you. I've never asked for anything from you. Maybe now you're just confused as to whether or not i've ever asked anything from you or not. Believe me. If I've ever wanted anything from you, you'd know and i'd have it.

Maybe in your head you've built up this idea of me being happy all the time. Who's happy all the time, man? At some point in your life, you will cease to be happy. And that's normal. If you never knew about this side of me, that's good. I really wish i could always be happy for you, but i don't know that that's possible.

I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say?

Tell Me I'm Wrong

The truth is i have nothing to say. I'm hoping the words'll come as i write.

Well, I went to Page One on Friday. Alex was pretty awesome but he wasn't the only one. I'll post up a video of the song you want to hear soon la kay, lex? :) Remember, the jam on Wednesday and also i'm sorry i couldn't meet up with you today. Something came up but i hope it was nice and i do hope you get used to it! :D And how was it?

Page One was awesome. Waiting for the next installment. I wanna soak up as much of the music scene KK has to offer before you know what. The only thing that sucked was that we had school the next day. I got home pretty late and needless to say, slept pretty late. Got up really early the next morning and stumbled to school to listen in class and take tests. :/

I recall complaining many times this weekend about how suckish it is that we have school on Saturdays and that we only get one day off the whole week. We have the rest of Saturday, but by the time you leave school grounds you're tired. And Sunday's family day and stuff like that. And i mean i love family day and i don't want to get rid of it but i wish i had time to spend with my friends too. If only there were one more day in a week, maybe it should be called Chuckday! ahhahahhaha God, i'd love to have a Chuckday. :D

Daryl came home today, so welcome home! We're meeting up tomorrow with the rest of the OC gang. I feel very cold. I think i might be getting sick. I hate being sick. I need to exercise. We went antiquing today. And i mean a lot of antiquing with my aunties and uncles. We bargained the crap out of chinamen. ahahah David Koh's back too apparently. Just got a message. :O

My good mood is gone. I think i was riding on a high the whole week. But that's okay cause it lasted a lot longer than it should have. So that's enough. I'm having a tough time. :( And i should get some sleep. Imma go to bed after i update my pod again. mm i should.

Night night.

Wait. They don't love you like i love you.

We'll All Float On Okay

Hey guys. What up.

Time's running out for me to decide what i'll be doing for the rest of my life. Do you remember when you're in Junior form and you have this huge decision to make that would cause a chain reaction in your life? The decision between Science Stream and Commerce/Arts. Me being the confused idiot that i was, picked Science stream just because it'd give me leverage when i'd actually decided what i'd want to do.

Two years later, where am i? Exactly where i was two years ago. I think i mentioned in a previous post that i was going to do mass communication. Maybe it was twitter. I don't remember. The point is that i'm back to where i started. Now, i don't want to do mass communication. Ugh. Oh messy messy.

My education consultant says i'm overthinking things and that i should just do my foundation and keep my science subjects, just on the off chance that i might choose something science related. This is exactly what i'm doing now. I can't stand this unsureness. All these talks about my future with family/friends. What the frack am i supposed to do in life?

Oh. I might as well move to Japan and live with Irwin. I'll just teach English. :/ Oh, i'm so frustrated. But surprisingly, i've been in an unbelievably good mood since school started. Well, even before that but usually Kunya and I are so grouchy in school. Somehow the both of us are in really happy moods. We're just waiting for it to wear off cause we both know they're not going to last. I have nothing to be happy about. Honest.

I'm in between places right now. My mood's all over the place. And no, it's not what you're thinking. There is just so much going on. Things i need to get done etc. I'm overthinking everything. :( Ohh pessimism.

We're just so opposite. What are the chances right? :O Oh, and i swear facebook hates me. Seriously. & I have a big test tomorrow. :(

On the plus side though, Daryl's coming home this sunday and Daniel too! Joy!

I'll picture update next time. But don't hold your breath.

I'll Stay The Same

eeeee tiba tiba malas blog. sorry

I Wish I Knew How To Break The Spell

i'm reading old messages in my inbox cause i'm going to do a mass delete soon. There are 3478 message here and my phone's starting to lag pretty bad. Therefore a clean up is necessary. These messages date back to when i first got this phone which was 16th May.

I'm feeling very very nostalgic. At first, i was planning on just deleting everything without giving it a second thought. But.... I couldn't resist dipping my toes into water that is my inbox.

I started out by reading the first few messages i got from friends in this phone. The short conversations that represented our time and the long foreign ones we sent back and forth in various languages. I miss that.

The next place that caught my eye was the birthday wishes. There were so many of you! Some sending long messages, poems. Others sending short but meaningful messages with our inside jokes included. Birthday messages from across the world. That was really sweet. And even though i didn't get to celebrate my birthday at all this year, considering i was having my chemistry exam the next day. It was nice. Oh wait, i did celebrate it. Sort of. Thanks to the bunch of you who showed up at my house at 11pm with ice cream cake and hugs. Good times. And thanks to fay for the 'surprise' cake. :p mom still feels bad about that.

So many messages explaining missed calls and misunderstandings. Making lists of which guys were whose. Bartering for them if the results matched. Food.Quoting favourite scenes in movies and shows. Bashing each other about emo music when the both of us listen to the same music. Full of replies to "how was your day?"s. Invitations to go cycling at 5am. Inappropriate and random questions that I still remember the replies I gave them. Photocliks that didn't happen. Conversations concerning spray paint and vandalism. Vacations that sucked. Food. Dates that bombed. Sudden goodbyes. Socks. Chuck. James too. A lot of :3s. Creating of new smileys. Late night conversations. Stupid 'confessions of love' that happened every 4 minutes. 4 way conversations with the oc gang. A surprising amount of messages concerning coupons?! Food. Arguments i don't even remember the causes of. Pots. 'Nuff said. Questions that came right out of the blue with the sole purpose of getting information. MMSes of things to amuse me. Messages from people who aren't here anymore. Conversations about robots. A big wad of messages asking me not to freak out so easily. A lot of messages about Star Wars and Ewoks. Weird events that happened, explained in full detail. Certain conversations concerning Avatar. Text-based Pokemon battles turned harry potter characters battles turned professor oak battles. Negotiations on punishments. On Tuxedo and jamie and karen making me really sad (XP). Silly little banters that make us such good friends. About charmanderzzzzxxxxzxvvxvzxz. Fights over tamagotchis. About food. A lot of capital-lettered laughs. A lot of great memories.

The senders are pretty much the same bunch throughout the year with the exceptions of some falling out completely and some new friends joining in. I wish i could say that my inbox will be filled by the same people next year. But we can't live in the past. No matter how much i want things to stay the same.

I know i'm making a big deal out of just deleting my inbox but friendships were made and broken there. Lots of memories. I know it isn't the end of the year yet but the majority of this year was in there. Yes, that's just how much jamie and karen have upset me. Hahahha. Don't think you're off the hook, derek.

Good luck, karen on yout theory exam! Have fun in kl, fefeh. Emli, i miss youuu.And we got first in music fest yesterday. :D awesommmmeeee.


Steffi.

P.s. My inbox is empty now. Want to help me fill it?

Remember When The Boys Were All Electric?

I've been bloghopping, as certain people do when they are bored. In example, you go to a close friend's blog then you proceed to click another person's blog. Then you do it again. And again. And again. Right. Anyways. I can't help but noticing people skipping school cause they feel like it.

This really makes me wonder how many people actually do this. Skipping school when you feel like it. I mean don't get me wrong, i knew it happened but we're talking about a lot of people

skipping school. Of course, they're using the H1N1 as the reason. And they spend their time

playing video games, hanging out etc. Can't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

In my school, you skip school. You apply leave. And it might not even get approved! Punyalah

syok the students from other schools. After exams, you can run around school under some weak excuse and still be fine. In the torture house that is my school, we have classes, more tests than usual, homework holiday enough to last us through the end of the year, teachers are pms-ed about our exam results and shit like that. Remind me again why i'm in this school?

Oh, that's right. Because we get hand sanitizer at the stairs, our temperature gets checked, they switch off the aircon to prevent germs spreading, made the young ones wear uniforms that are hydrophillic and untidy. Oh yeah. Don't forget the inane high standards. This is the dream.

Right about now, you're thinking

what about friends? doesn't she have friends? God, how pathetic.

Of course I have friends, weird-voice-in-my-head-that-voices-out-opinions-of-nonexistant-

people-probably. I have friends. Even the worse person in the world would have at least one

friend. Unfortunately i'm so very close to that person.

Everybody has a fay to their emily. brook to their peyton. marissa to their summer. chuck to their morgan. Hopefully you got my drift by now or i really don't understand why we're friends. But I have to admit. I have no idea who's mine. yes, you're right. I am pathetic.

So, lemme get this straight. After 17 years on this world, you have no george to your izzie?

That is correct, sir. Oh let it go. I have friends, okay? This was only to make you realise how

great my school life is.

PHOTO TIME!

why? Cause now i'm depressed. :( ahhahaha

:( don't you hate how blogger can only upload 5 pictures at a time? And how slow it is? :/ gehh

overdue pictures from february. :p

Shinko!

i love this couple. :D

candid

Might i add that the tsen/chong clan looks mighty fine. :p

caaaandid

okay. this isn't candid.

Everyone's awake.

Everyone's asleep. ;)

Actually i think i've updated this trip before. :P HAHAHHAHA whatever. Gosh i hate how slow the pictures upload. ahahhahahahahahhahahahah this site's very very very addictive.

au revoir. I should sleep dammit.

When I'm The One Who's Selling You Out

Helloooo!!! Last night was the best sleep i've had all week. Jesus, i love weekends. After Malay and Chinese, which i think i failed of course, we had music fest practice then worship practice. Mm hmm. Then tuition was cancelled. Awesome. Then i went out with a bunch of friends. Listened to music, ate mackers, argued over who'd get the tamagotchi. Basically had a great time. Apart from the exam part of the day, it was a really good day. :D

Today, I spent half the day in bed. Not sleeping but just enjoying the rain. Yes, very unproductive indeed. I could've been studying but didn't. Derek challenged me to learn the 7 page long tabs of Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton and post it as a Youtube vidjeo. He has to do the same thing too. :p Anyways. i'll do that as soon as i can but right now i should focus on my ongoing exams. Although i am playing Zork. :P

Tonight. Church. Supper. Back to church for Music Fest practice. Ohh yes. Tonight's gonna be awesome.

Tomorrow. Study sejarah and go to tuition. :/ Sounds really bad.

Nothing to look forward to except zork. :p GAHHHHHHHHHHHNOTHINBUTLOVE.

You're Not Welcome Anymore

I wish i had some interesting observation to share with you guys today, but i haven't been much of a spectator these days. I'm overlooking a lot of stuff i really shouldn't. Missing signs i should've seen. But. But. but. but i've updated my ipod. :p hahaahha that has nothing to do with being an observer.

Been torrent downloading. teehee. I love torrents. Some are painfully slow but at least i'm getting new stuff. :D Right, so i failed to mention in every form of media that i failed my grade 8 violin exam. I won't be able to retake it in March cause by then i'll be in Brisbane. Ah well. i ruined my teacher's Grade 8 100% passing rate. :p i know i shouldn't sound so happy. :/ *remorseful*

hahaha right. I owe you guys a lot of pictures still. Haha man, i suck. Today was a surprisingly good day. And i have a huge test for Sejarah tomorrow. And i haven't studied. I probably should study. Yeah. I think I should.

I'm addicted to cake. yuuummmmm. I'm addicted to a lot of things.

I've been sitting at my table for hours. Well, i finished my homework. Some other stuff that really had to be done. But still nothing from my Sejarah textbook. One of my torrents finished downloading. And i'm just typing random stuff that come to mind over the course of a few hours. Please, enjoy my train of thought. Or rather, just ignore this post.

Exams start on the 11th, Tuesday. End on the 17th, Monday. Parents'll be out of town. Party?

Aww man that sucks. :0 You shouldn't miss out just cause. You'll want to look back and remember everything. Even the sucky events. Trust me.

Oh, swooning's a hobby of mine alright. Something's wrong with twitter. :/ weeeiirrdd. oh wait. twitter works now. This post is crap. Honestly. hahahha

I really wish i could do something to help you out. :/ meowr. my hands are about to freeze off. Ooh the weather in Sandakan was bad. They took off but they had to turn back. Dad just got home. 0.0 poor daddy.

Oh dilemma dilemma. HAHAHHA can i just say that going out on a motorbike to a drive-thru for ice cream is not smart? :p hahaahahahha

Exam mood has not hit me yet. I'm in trouble. Oh, i'm in astronomical trouble. Oh god. Come on, steffi. 4 days away. PUT IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL!

eh. didn't work. Oh man i'm screwed.

so, my toes are numb. That's bad huh?

Can't help but feel like i'm abandoning you. :( It's not what i want to do.

It'll all be alright. Right?

But They're Pulling Down The Branches Of The Tree

I feel better. And less whiny.

Hooray for feeling better.

Also i love cake. <3

Yummy. :p

I've been a fat ass the past few days. All i do is eat.

Exams are up in 2 weeks.

Gasssssspppppp

Peh i don't know.

In other news, I sent out my uni application a few days ago. And i got the confirmation of acceptance of offer. I was offered to do two semesters of foundation. Yay. But it's conditional upon my spm mock exam result. So i guess i won't be able to blow off the rest of the year. Ahhhh well.

It sucks that both of you guys got picked. Guess my last two months in KK will kinda sorta suck now. I miss you guys already. :( I'm gonna miss all of you guys.

Vlog's still got problems and won't go up. GRRRRR MALAYSIAN INTERNET.

I need to shower cause Tshung Tsin Night's tonight and mom's making me go with her. Yaaaaaay. No youth. :(

^ this yaaaaaay is sarcastic. Just btw.

Hahahha Karen and Nadym just called. Saying they wanna hang out after. Let's hope i can goooo. Cause i miss Karen and Nadym. Even though the last time i saw Nad, he did try to push me off a really tall wall. Daaaammmmnn. But still, miss em both. :D

CROSS FINGERS.

Ngiaaaoooo.

Make it last. Make it last. You. Me. Together

Like You Never Lost A War

Sometimes i forget this is here. SORRY. I've been busy. Also, this just in, i say "I've been busy" a lot. But whenever i try to think back and find out what i've been so busy with. It's always blank. I think I'm more tired than i am busy. Don't get me wrong, I am busy. It's just, by the end of the day, it's likely i'm so tired from the all the accumilating events that i can't really remember what i did that day. Oh yeah. That and i have very bad memory. And i mean really bad memory. So. That's the end of that psychoanalysis. That excuse is getting old.

I have a better one though. I've been sick. A lot of people have been sick. It's just flu season. Which is a bad thing! You guys should eat your vitamin C and multivitamin and cod liver oil. Stay healthy and try your best to avoid this annoying period of time. There was a point when i had to stay at home to rest. I know how that sounds.

Gosh, steffi's so lucky. She doesn't have to go to school and study and be tortured.

Well, you know what? Do you know how much it sucks to be at home and want to sleep but can't? Sometimes people are just stupid. Daddy dislikes me using that word. Therefore i shall replace it with silly.

So, I'm eating apples, checking my mail and listening to an album i just downloaded. (yes i am a pirate) Arr Matey! I have an EST presentation on something to do with technology tomorrow and i haven't made my powerpoint yet. Wondering how i'm going to pull it off. Hmm. I haven't even decided on a topic yet. I should probably work on my powerpoint presentation now ey?

You Thought It'd Be So Easy To Fool Me

Hahahahahha i have a huge biology test tomorrow. But i haven't studied.

God i'm irresponsible.

oh that and i'm dying. :)

I'm Tired Of Trying To Be Sensible

When did i let myself become this spineless girl that i loathe. Gosh. I disgust myself. Thanks to you, one day she just decided it was alright for her to come out. Was too blinded to stop her back then. Now that my vision's cleared. All i can say is buh-bye.

Well, i'm back. Try not to hate me for it.

Cry For All The Things You'll Never Be

Bundaberg!!!

I want it so bad. I can't find it anywhere anymore. Grrrggullluhhh!!

Here is where i put aside my Ewok cries and apologize once again. It seems that i have been doing that a lot lately. The reason i am apologizing to my blog is because i've been updating through my phone. And through this phone, the blogger browser does not have upload picture or font or hyperlink or anything else for that matter. All that's here under the title, is spell check and preview. Which is... Useful. Yes. So, a picture update shall be the lovechild whenever i can get my hands on a computer that has internet access and has not blocked blogsites etc and when i am not gaming. :P hahaha

I have not been a happy camper. Not that i'm a camper. I'm speaking in both in-the-wilderness and in-cs-slash-cod-slash-any-war-games-really kinda sense. I can't explain it. Anywho i have two extremely difficult tests and a couple of essays due tomorrow, so i'm just going to crawl in bed [CHECK] and just sleep well thanks to the drugs. Not. Psych. Chyeah cause i'm just the poster child for heroin and erectile dysfunction.

Sorry. It's just been a really long week and i find myself daydreaming about falling. Chyeah cause everybody loves to fall.

Bye bye my sweet bloggers/bloghoppers.
Hope you're all well.
This sounds so formal.

Steffiiii.

Unhealthy Obsession

It's nice having Charlene back in town. Series marathons to have, late night cyber cafe, midnight mcdonalds runs, inside jokes, Tommy and Charlie practically living at our house. It's been fun. Wonder what it's going to be like next year. Nahhh... I think I'll leave that for next year. No point setting expectations that might not have been reached. In case you don't know me, that's the kind of person i am. I don't aim. I never aim. Well, you know, for basketball or whatever that's different. Hahah but i'm talking about goals. Things that most people aim for. For example, exam results. I have never aimed for UPSR, PMR, UEC. And i'm pretty sure i won't aim for SPM. I know that it's stupid that i'm not exercising my full potential and all that road-to-self-improvement crap. But that's just who i am. Who i've been for my whole life, really--- fine... until this point in my life, at least.

This really isn't a very bad tactic. Just think about it! No expectations = no disappointments. Hmmm maybe i'm being a coward. Eh, don't know. I know it's over but i've been feeling so tired. It's hard for me to catch up with my schedule. Strange. But then again, maybe it's cause i spend my nights updating my blog even though virtually no one reads it. :p

I owe you guys a huge update. :p Everything's been piling up. I need to get started before i'm buried alive.

Night, peeps.

IOU, steffi.

You Don't Know Me Like You Should

It still piques me how words can fail to evince one's adour, or lack thereof, rather. Isn't human nature ironic? All it took was one brief reverie to send me into the long overdue downward spiral into that hole that derek dug himself into. Now that he's out, it's vacant, which conveniently is what i've been these days. It's just the sheer absurdity of the timing and my inane choice. Sometimes i feel that i irk myself more than anybody else can. I can't submit to this plight.

Right. I forgot to tell you. It's over. ):)

But I'm Stronger Than You Know

zomggggggggggg! Exam today.
At 4. At imperial hotel.
Ohmygosh i'm scared. Oh my kalua. Aahhh.
It didn't hit me until i typed it out.
Great job, stef. Nice, scaring yourself.

Ah shit. Ohmygosh it's today.

You Must Live For Me Too

i was thinking, on my way back from violin class, that i was going to have to post a happy post.

:/ i'm sorry, this isn't going to be a happy post. :(

:( i'm not going to repeat how frickin annoyed i am. Or how tired. Cause i'm starting to hate myself, what say you huh? What chance do you guys have?

Anyways, i hope tomorrow'll look up. I don't want to die. Wait. Do i? Nahhhh i'm not suicidal. :/


i don't think that you know what you've been missing


AHHHHHHH6HHHHHH FUGGIN ANIMAL FARM. :(

It's Not The Same Without You

Well, so much for freedom after tomorrow morning. I was so psyched and anxious for it to be over. But no. Of course it didn't come. Nope. Couldn't let me have it, could you?

Ughhh i'm so tired of this exam and all this preparation. Make my blood boil. While everyone's enjoying their last year, going out with friends to movies, islands for photoshoots, coffee houses to talk. Here i am, spending school hours at home, faking pneumonia, being sick, going through aural, playing double-stops. Gosh i swear it's torture. And truly, i'm sorry i'm being so whiny and sad and emo and jiwang and sad and emo and whiny and jiwang and sad and whiny. Oh wait, i said that already. :/

I don't know when the exam date is. Please don't postpone more than a week. Please don't postpone more than a week. I need this to be over. I really need this. I'm starting to hear myself internally recite relative majors and minors and subdominants and dominants and supertonic minors of keys. Arghhh it drives me mad. I think i'm losing my mind. There are times when my brain just hangs. Honestly. It just hangs for a few seconds.

I'm losing it. I'm confused. I'm sick. I've stopped feeling my hands. I'm sad. I'm miserable. I need you.

I'm sorry guys. Happy steffi just isn't going to be back quite yet.

The Name That Puts An End To Death

I don't want to fade to black.
I can't be another silhouette in your lives.
When this moment is over, you'll forget me.
And everything we did, we talked about.
Then where would i be?
What would happen then?
Brief moment's goodbye?
As much as we'd like to believe,
Our time's running out.
When that last grain hits the pile,
You're gonna want to remember all the great things that happened.
Why waste time with these formalities?

T.C.

Never Knew I Could Hurt This Bad

oh god oh god oh god

I can't go back there again.
Can't go back again.
I just can't.

Imokayimokayimokay
Ohgodohgodohgod
Imokay.


Can't go back.
No no i can't go back.
Oh no.

No i can't.

Please don't make me go back.
No. No. No.
i'm okay. I'm fine.
Yeah. I'm good.
Yeap. Oh gosh.

Yeah i'm fine. I'm good.
I'm okay. I'm alive.
Okay okay.
I can't let myself go back there.

I'm good. I'm good.
Yeah i'm okay.
Oh gosh.
I'm okay

You're okay, steffi. You're okay

Oh, i am definitely going to die young.

They Found You On The Bathroom Floor

Hey honey, i'm home!

Yeah, i've been back since tuesday night. The trip to Danum Valley and Sandakan was fun. It was nice to get away from my violin (finally). Even if it was a short break. I'm going to have to update you guys on that a bit later cause since i've been home, we've gone back to full time practicing. But fear not, good citizens! For it shall be a picture update. Or something... Mm hmm.

In a nutshell, the trip was fun, tiring, awesome. C: i shall go into detail after June. I'm sorry. This thing is taking a lot outta me. Anywhoosenheimergliderfooshen, school's starting next week. It is Wednesday. No wait, Thursday. And apart from those 4 days of the trip, it has not been holiday. So please don't ask me how i've spent my holidays or why i have been turning down your invites. :C i don't want to talk about it.

So, practice finishes about this time and starts at about 8.30 am. Spm art folio is due the second we step into school on Monday, and i haven't started at all. To put it lightly, i'm screwed. Lovely lovely lovely. Oh sarcasm has been running through me like blood these days and i haven't been the nicest person. Yes, i do realise i am kind of being a bitch. But sometimes you guys are just... URRGGHHHHH!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? Just consider yourself lucky i'm not allowed out of the house or i swear i'd go to your house if it were in perth and strangle you to death. I am not referring to anybody in perth. It was just an expression.

I am very sorry that i'm making your eyes bleed from reading my stupid whiny thoughts but that's just how it is at the moment. And you don't have to read it if you don't want to. You can come back after June and i promise the posts will be back to happy happy joy joy i'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs ren and stimpy shizz. Alright? Thank you.


UNSCRUPULOUS! HAHAHAHAHA LIT. CLASS PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAAAA I'M TALKING BOUT YO. HAHAHAHAAH


Yes. Yes. I can't understand if you told me just to tease me or you honestly meant well. For the maintenence of my outlook on people in general, i'm going to make myself believe it's the latter one and that your extra, extremely unnecessary for me to know information was not a blow beneath the belt of you flaunting your unbelievable treachery of the breach of trust between friends that you had the audacity of committing. Just now when i used it, it was just at random, but now... SIMPLY UNSCRUPULOUS! URGHH!! I honestly don't know how to put up with you. Or how to respond to you in general. I don't think i can have you around me or anywhere near me in fear of myself spontaneously combusting. In the process taking out the entire human race, including the good ones. :C Cause that would not be pretty at all.

What you did was unforgivable, still i forgave you. And still you taunt me. Yeah you won. Now can't you leave me be?

I'm so tired of all my fairweathered friends. Glad i still have a few i can vent to. But some of you guys are slipping away and I'm missing you guys so much. Ah.

Oh man, if only you knew how many times this post was edited to make it reader friendly.


Just. Ah.

Greetings, earthlings (insert exclamation marks here)

Hello my dearest blog readers!

Hahahaha. Gay alert! Moving on. Hello. I am Aang and i am here to tell you that i am the last airbender and you had better not cross me or you will have to experience my awesome four-elements bending. Woah. Stay back. Cause i'm dangerous. Why did i just ask myself to stay back from myself when i am myself. That is physically impossible. At least i'm pekretty sure it is. Yes, pekretty. C:

... Right. Cause i actually came here to tell you that i am some hundred year old boy who has a giant blue arrow on my head. Actually, i'm here to tell you that i will be away until Wednesday next week. First off, i'm going to Danum Valley tomorrow morning which is in Lahad Datu. Those of you who follow my twitter should've known this for awhile. I'll be there for 2 days. Or nights. Actually i'm not really sure. :p yes yes, i suck.

After that i'm heading down (or up, don't really know(man, i suck)) to Sandakan. Lovely place. To watch the opening of the Saga Games. Awesome. A lot of you guys'll be there, so i hope to see you guys run/jump/whatever-you-will-be-doing. :D unfortunately while my parents will be busy, i'll probably be alone. Hopefully some of my friends can keep me company, though i doubt it. I'll just be the nerd walking around the place alone. Please don't rape me.

I actually haven't even started packing yet. And i have, wow 5 hours till i get on a plane to Lahad Datu and then a bus to Danum Valley, away from all communication. No reception, see? But i think i'll survive. Was hoping to keep you guys updated through twitter, but i don't think i'll do even that. Maybe i'll steal a little internet time from the main office just to let you know that i'm alive. Hahahahah just kidding!

I'll be fine. And i'm really looking forward to it, seeing as these past few days of holiday have been total lock down for me in my house. Violin is horrible. I'd advise you not to take it up. But then again, that's just me. :)

Not quite sure but i have a gut feeling that i will enjoy being away from internet, cell phone reception etc etc. :)

I'll miss you guys! You know who you are. C;


Steffi lah bah.