A Thousand Faces We'll Choose To Ignore.

It's hard to think straight when there's so much going on. I can't put these unfamiliar feeling into words. Like. Gah. Thank God i'm not taking my IELTS tomorrow. I haven't been able to write or say anything properly this week. All i've been doing is feel. And i can't stop. And it's driving me crazy. Okay umm. Try to think back to something that hit you the strongest. Got it? Now, multiply that by 62^infinity squared.

ARGH. I. CAN'T. EXPLAIN. HOW. I. FEEL.

and it's pissing me off immensely.

Instead, i'm just going to random picture drop!

i miss Charlene. :)

KARAN!

WHY WON'T THIS GLASS BREAK?

MMMMMMDEWEK

:D

I miss Darren also but he couldn't meet us that day.

:(

Fine. not so random. I just miss you guyssss. :(

I had a power outage last night. :/ Couldn't finish my update.

Gah. I feel good today. :D

Eklektos tonighhttt! <3

NGIAOOOOOOOLOOVVVVEEEEMMEEEE!!!

dsteffi.

Dear Karen

aka Karan. I looovvveeee youuuuuu sooo much!!!! :D

Thanks for the invite to your party. Despite being one of the only two tshung tsin people at your party, i had fun. :) It was a little awkward at first but it got better when we finally sat down. hahhaha I knowww you had a lot of fun! :D You looked gorgeous! AHHAHA you know where my favourite part was. xP

Ohhh i'm so sorry i didn't give you a speech like David and Joshua did. But you know how i get in front of a crowd. heh. I'm sorry. You wouldn't have wanted me to puke over the dance floor. ahhaha i nearly did before me and alex went on stage. Dry heaving ftw!

I didn't take many pictures cause i was distracted to say the least. I'm happy Nadym and Chloe were there to call me superloser. hahahahhah I'm really sorry about Wendy who lost her phone. It really sucks but stay strong, girl. :) You're lucky to have a calm man by your side. ;)

Ohhh karen. i'm so sorry i didn't dance. :D Didn't really feel up to it. hahaa i'll dance with you next time when i get my license. ;) you know what i mean, giiiiirrrrllll. hahahhaha

Once again, love youuu dearly. And i know you won't be feeling alone next year cause from what i've witnessed last night, you have lots of friends who won't let that happen. :) I'll see you the year after the next. :D

<3

I Swore I Saw You Smile

I've been so quiet these days. It's like i have nothing to say anymore. Surprised? Believe me, you're not the only one. :X Blogging's become harder but i keep getting updates from friends. Peer pressurized into updating without anything solid to update on. Which usually brings about a boring post. So i don't know why i'm even submitting this post.

Nyah. Since i've started, i might as well finish.

mm. In form form maybe? :I Bear with meee pweassee. :3

I am pretty sure i should be sleeping.
I have been hanging out with Alex all day.
I am happy that we have one day short of a week of holidays.
I want nothing more than to have you.
I will need to wake up at 6 to bring my brother to school for the entrance exam. *fingers crossed*
I think i need to figure out what i'm going to wear tomorrow. :O

Theme of my week: People need to stop saying goodbye then coming back again. :/

Yeah. I suppose that's it? MmmmMMmmmmMmmmmm....

OH OH I KNOW! ahhahaha I hate it when you make a video, take all day/night editing it. And then Youtube's a bitch. :/ Gahh Then your contents expire and you need to make another video not forgetting that the things you might mention have cross references to old videos that you've made and have not successfully upload. Gosh it pisses me off. hahahaha

Do you ever want something so bad that it makes you want to scream everytime you think about it cause you know you're never going to get it? GAAHHHHALJKESHDFOAISHEOFBALKSEJN;ALKSJHNLFKJASNLEKFDJHALSJKEHRLFKAJHESLDKFJBA,JEBFL,KAJSBEFKAGGGGGGG

Hi people. I have cooled down. I'm not tired. I have not worn it for a day and already i miss it. Although it's just in my drawer. I need to start going through withdrawal. :( So far so good?

Ngiaoooo i'm excited! :D for tomorrow night though. So excited and nervous in a you kinda want to puke but you only find yourself dry heaving into the toilet bowl kinda way. :D GAH it's the good kind. I hope. NYAH.

HAIIII PAPER TOWELS! HOW ARE YOU GUYS? :D i actually kinda miss you guys and this place is gilllaaaaaaaa senyap mannn. gahhh.

I'm feeling whiny and i'm sure you feel it too. Sorry.

bahhhh i need to be productive.

I came this close to writing a song today. THIS CLOSE. but then i malas. :/ so it just flew away.

& yes i realise that there is no way you can tell how close but shut up cause papayas are orange and so are oranges but which one is orangier? Huh? HUH, PUNK?! Betcha never thought about that one. Yeahhh you sit down and think about that, kid.

hi, hidden message readers! :D

Night. Lub steffi.

All The World Can Watch

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts again. Avert your eyes, people.

Sometimes before i post a very personal train of thought onto my blog, i hesitate. These trains of thought may range between a honest-to-goodness random thought or something i think of when i'm jiwang or emo or whatever. Or how i feel. Basically my rants and vents.

The reason i do this is because everytime i do and i mean everytime, I'll get someone come up to me when i'm sitting in class (this doesn't happen very often seeing as i'm a little different in school/class. Maybe outside too. But that's beside the point) and they attempt to psychoanalyse me.

Okay, a little background.

Majority of you who are here, i probably know you through church or you study in other schools or both. DUH. Anyways, i'm a little quieter in school. Awkward. I don't have a lot of friends. And that's just me. Who i chose to be.

Anyways, they'll throw all these questions around and try to tell me what i really am feeling. For example, when i'm feeling confused, they'll tell me it's just because i'm feeling antsy etc. Maybe you're just trying to get to know me better or that's just how you show me that you care. Or that you're concerned about me. Or maybe you just wanna "relate" to me. I don't know. Nor do i honestly care.

I know how i feel. I'm the only one who knows what i'm feeling when i'm feeling it. And i'd really appreciate it if you'd stop pitying me, thinking oh, poor girl. Got into a fight with her best friend again. or getting so emotionally upset over nothing again. Just. Stop acting like you know me so well or that i'm so predictable. I don't need that. I don't need anything from you. I've never asked for anything from you. Maybe now you're just confused as to whether or not i've ever asked anything from you or not. Believe me. If I've ever wanted anything from you, you'd know and i'd have it.

Maybe in your head you've built up this idea of me being happy all the time. Who's happy all the time, man? At some point in your life, you will cease to be happy. And that's normal. If you never knew about this side of me, that's good. I really wish i could always be happy for you, but i don't know that that's possible.

I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say?

Tell Me I'm Wrong

The truth is i have nothing to say. I'm hoping the words'll come as i write.

Well, I went to Page One on Friday. Alex was pretty awesome but he wasn't the only one. I'll post up a video of the song you want to hear soon la kay, lex? :) Remember, the jam on Wednesday and also i'm sorry i couldn't meet up with you today. Something came up but i hope it was nice and i do hope you get used to it! :D And how was it?

Page One was awesome. Waiting for the next installment. I wanna soak up as much of the music scene KK has to offer before you know what. The only thing that sucked was that we had school the next day. I got home pretty late and needless to say, slept pretty late. Got up really early the next morning and stumbled to school to listen in class and take tests. :/

I recall complaining many times this weekend about how suckish it is that we have school on Saturdays and that we only get one day off the whole week. We have the rest of Saturday, but by the time you leave school grounds you're tired. And Sunday's family day and stuff like that. And i mean i love family day and i don't want to get rid of it but i wish i had time to spend with my friends too. If only there were one more day in a week, maybe it should be called Chuckday! ahhahahhaha God, i'd love to have a Chuckday. :D

Daryl came home today, so welcome home! We're meeting up tomorrow with the rest of the OC gang. I feel very cold. I think i might be getting sick. I hate being sick. I need to exercise. We went antiquing today. And i mean a lot of antiquing with my aunties and uncles. We bargained the crap out of chinamen. ahahah David Koh's back too apparently. Just got a message. :O

My good mood is gone. I think i was riding on a high the whole week. But that's okay cause it lasted a lot longer than it should have. So that's enough. I'm having a tough time. :( And i should get some sleep. Imma go to bed after i update my pod again. mm i should.

Night night.

Wait. They don't love you like i love you.

We'll All Float On Okay

Hey guys. What up.

Time's running out for me to decide what i'll be doing for the rest of my life. Do you remember when you're in Junior form and you have this huge decision to make that would cause a chain reaction in your life? The decision between Science Stream and Commerce/Arts. Me being the confused idiot that i was, picked Science stream just because it'd give me leverage when i'd actually decided what i'd want to do.

Two years later, where am i? Exactly where i was two years ago. I think i mentioned in a previous post that i was going to do mass communication. Maybe it was twitter. I don't remember. The point is that i'm back to where i started. Now, i don't want to do mass communication. Ugh. Oh messy messy.

My education consultant says i'm overthinking things and that i should just do my foundation and keep my science subjects, just on the off chance that i might choose something science related. This is exactly what i'm doing now. I can't stand this unsureness. All these talks about my future with family/friends. What the frack am i supposed to do in life?

Oh. I might as well move to Japan and live with Irwin. I'll just teach English. :/ Oh, i'm so frustrated. But surprisingly, i've been in an unbelievably good mood since school started. Well, even before that but usually Kunya and I are so grouchy in school. Somehow the both of us are in really happy moods. We're just waiting for it to wear off cause we both know they're not going to last. I have nothing to be happy about. Honest.

I'm in between places right now. My mood's all over the place. And no, it's not what you're thinking. There is just so much going on. Things i need to get done etc. I'm overthinking everything. :( Ohh pessimism.

We're just so opposite. What are the chances right? :O Oh, and i swear facebook hates me. Seriously. & I have a big test tomorrow. :(

On the plus side though, Daryl's coming home this sunday and Daniel too! Joy!

I'll picture update next time. But don't hold your breath.