All The World Can Watch

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts again. Avert your eyes, people.

Sometimes before i post a very personal train of thought onto my blog, i hesitate. These trains of thought may range between a honest-to-goodness random thought or something i think of when i'm jiwang or emo or whatever. Or how i feel. Basically my rants and vents.

The reason i do this is because everytime i do and i mean everytime, I'll get someone come up to me when i'm sitting in class (this doesn't happen very often seeing as i'm a little different in school/class. Maybe outside too. But that's beside the point) and they attempt to psychoanalyse me.

Okay, a little background.

Majority of you who are here, i probably know you through church or you study in other schools or both. DUH. Anyways, i'm a little quieter in school. Awkward. I don't have a lot of friends. And that's just me. Who i chose to be.

Anyways, they'll throw all these questions around and try to tell me what i really am feeling. For example, when i'm feeling confused, they'll tell me it's just because i'm feeling antsy etc. Maybe you're just trying to get to know me better or that's just how you show me that you care. Or that you're concerned about me. Or maybe you just wanna "relate" to me. I don't know. Nor do i honestly care.

I know how i feel. I'm the only one who knows what i'm feeling when i'm feeling it. And i'd really appreciate it if you'd stop pitying me, thinking oh, poor girl. Got into a fight with her best friend again. or getting so emotionally upset over nothing again. Just. Stop acting like you know me so well or that i'm so predictable. I don't need that. I don't need anything from you. I've never asked for anything from you. Maybe now you're just confused as to whether or not i've ever asked anything from you or not. Believe me. If I've ever wanted anything from you, you'd know and i'd have it.

Maybe in your head you've built up this idea of me being happy all the time. Who's happy all the time, man? At some point in your life, you will cease to be happy. And that's normal. If you never knew about this side of me, that's good. I really wish i could always be happy for you, but i don't know that that's possible.

I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say?